IPL – Indian Political League

5-4-3-2-1, the crowd chanted the countdown as the special IPL, 5 – 5 over a side, match began.  Why 5 – 5 over a side? Well that is the term of the winning party in elections. The venue was the FEROZ SHAH KOTLA stadium in Delhi. The two contesting parties had decided to compete in this match since the election had ended in a stalemate. “The winner of the match will rule the nation for the next 5 years”, the president of the nation had announced. The elation in the election commission knew no bounds since going through one more round of elections was a pain in the ass. What more?, the President had also agreed to function as one of the umpires in the match since he too was bored doing nothing for a long time.  The other umpire was RAUF, an unanimous decision by both the parties. His credentials as an umpire was unquestionable since he had a court order on his side stating that no one should question him in the public until the ongoing case against him is solved. Also the sponsors felt the he would provide some entertainment in the field by mingling with the cheer girls, and area in which he had a lot of expertise.

The Bhar –  Atheeya party (know so since there were heavy, mighty stalwarts in the team) had chosen Sree – santh ( A baba in Kerala) as their lead coach. The team owner Advanee , sporting a laodicean attitude and a plastic smile, sat on one side of the dugout. He was no longer the playing captain of the team. Atalji, the confidence builder of the team was ready with his inspirational kavitha; but no one took a listen to it since it would take exactly three hours for him to read out the four lined ode. Crestfallen and confidence shaken, he too sat next to Advanee.  The official spoke person of the team Mr Rajnath, tired of explaining to the media as to why Advanee was not in the “Game”, collapsed onto the sofa in the dugout.  Inside, in the change-room, Captain Modee was ready to deliver his pep talk to the team.

” Mitro, we can do it. Today we are wearing a thin silk T-shirt so that our vests are visible inside. Why? Because we believe in transparency.  Although I am not good at batting or bowling, I promise you that I will lead the team well, i.e., I will give a good governance. We are the “Kai Po Che” boys.” The entire team cheered in unison and began dressing up for the game. Sushma and Smriti were ready to be the cheer girls for their team. They were wonderfully attired in dark saffron saris.

The Con – Grass party had chosen Allesandro Del Piero as their head coach. ” We believe in following foreign leaders, and especially we would love to follow any one Italian, even if he/she does not know how to play the ‘game’ ” was Chidu’s press statement on the issue. The team owner Sonia, also the main cheer leader, flanked by Sheila, Priyanka and especially Tiwari were looking immaculate in their pristine  gowns. In the dressing room Rahul was ready to deliver his rallying cry.

” India is an idea. India is a mission. India is……., Oh shit! this is the missing page of the speech I delivered at CII. Sorry guys. Here it goes. Ahhh…. Oh God…, not again. I have lost my speech. Okay, I will do it extempore. Guys lets play fair.” The entire team looked shocked and clueless since they had never done such a thing in their life. ” I was joking. Mom has already fixed the match in our favour.” There was a loud applause and the team members began their preparations for the match.

The stadium was jam packed.

Earlier in the Stands:

A sobbing Yeddy had complained to the manager of the stadium against Dev. It seems Dev had usurped one of the VIP seats next to his hoping his son Kumar will join him. Yeddy wanted that seat badly. Manager referred it to Rajnath and god knows what transpired later.

Raja and Mozhi had set up a small kiosk and were selling 2G and 3G sims to the customers. The had named their kiosk “Spectrum”. “They are overcharging this time”, one of the customers had remarked to the quizzing media.

Vijay sitting in the cashier- compartment turned cockpit, true to his taste, had planted his Airbus right in the lobby. “Now that they are not flying, I better use them for something at least” he said while answering inquisitive customers. He was selling mineral water. Siddharth and Deepika were assisting him as attenders. As usual beer was sold at the back door.

Jaya, a VIP pass holder, was angry that the water bottle that she had requested for had not yet been supplied to her. Somehow Jaya and water never go hand in hand.

Mohan, motionless, was standing next to Sonia. Priyanka ran towards Sonia and flaunted her new Barbie. Sonia, pointing towards Mohan, retorted ” I have Mohan”. “I beat you Mom” said Priyanka, ” My doll can speak.”

Lulloo, given the job of a ball boy, had made a good fortune by cutting the grass on the out-field and selling it to milk vendors outside the stadium.

Sonia and Shiela had requested Shak-thi Cupoor, another VIP pass holder, to drop them home in his car after the match. ” Delhi is not a safe place now. Two women travelling alone at night is not recommended. We know we will be safe in you company” they had pleaded him. Shak-thi had agreed with a devilish smile.

Maya was waiting with a garland of 500 rupee notes worth 1000 crore while Mamta was waiting with rasagulla to greet the winner and pledge their alliance.

Now coming back to the present:

The two teams walked towards the centre of the pitch. As soon as Modee and Rahul stepped onto the grass the rain god decided to have some fun of his own. It rained like cats and dogs and the entire ground was lodged with water in no time. The entire event turned out to be a spoof of Lagaan. A hysterical Rahul wept like a small baby while Modee couldn’t believe his luck. It was nature’s way of saying that both the parties did not deserve a chance at the centre.


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